Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize