I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
