i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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