whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
