The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
