it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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