I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this beer tastes like vomit already
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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