My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
