Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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