I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
