I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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