My nipple is on Facebook.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
