8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
