I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
