No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
