Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
