Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
