Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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