Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
