K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
