he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
