I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
