He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
