kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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