Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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