pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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