Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
