Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
