In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I faked an abortion last night.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
