I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
