I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Terrible idea I love it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
