We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
