i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
