??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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