Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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