i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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