If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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