I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
