The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
