thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
