PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
