what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
