Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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