im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
