i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
