How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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