The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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