LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
