how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
