The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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