The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
