you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
