why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
