What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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