idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
