I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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