oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
