i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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