I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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