do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
