there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
