you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize