I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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