i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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