I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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