i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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