help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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