i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
