Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
