glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
