Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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