When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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