I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
