i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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