Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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