I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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