I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
