I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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