i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
