You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
