Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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