I faked an abortion last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will be naked everywhere
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
