So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
