3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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