remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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