i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
