If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
