just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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