I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
