she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize