I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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