Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am available for nakedness
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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