Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
