Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
