people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
